Dear Miss Manners: I am 50 years old and accept been active with a man for added than eight years (we are both divorced). I accept consistently had a acceptable accord with his mother, with no issues.
Over the years, we accept accustomed anniversary cards from his mother addressed to both of us (just our aboriginal names, which absolutely works) and active “Love.” But this year, the envelope was addressed alone to her son; amid was a “son”-specific agenda active “Love,” and a additional agenda to me with alone her name noted.
I mentioned this to my accomplice and he said, “What is the big deal? You got a card.” I told him that it was hurtful.
Am I actuality too sensitive, or do you anticipate there is article aggravation his mother about me that she will not accurate and is cogent me through this action?
Not alive how this adult about operates, Miss Manners could not say. It is her accepted policy, however, to accept the best.
If you are abashed to acquisition out her intention, you may do so cautiously by saying, “It was so affectionate of you to anticipate of me, as always, with a anniversary card. Alike added so to go to the agitation of accepting us two. But really, Lance and I are at the point area we can allotment one card. Was there any acumen you anticipation otherwise?”
Then be able for an acknowledgment alignment anywhere from “I anticipation you would like the account of the cats” to “Yes, get abroad from my son.”
Dear Miss Manners: Back two couples go out for drinks and sit at a bar, do the two women sit in the middle, or the two men?
It depends. Which of the two accept added to discuss?
Dear Miss Manners: I was aloft by angrily calumniating band members. As it turns out, they did me a abundant affection by excluding me from their lives back I came out as a gay man, decades ago, at age 17. As far as they accept been able, they accept connected to be abusive. I abstain them as best I can.
When well-intentioned bodies ask about my family, I usually say that I don’t apperceive them. This generally serves to let acute bodies apperceive that I don’t appetite them to accompany the accountable any further.
What can I say to those who abide in allurement added questions? I apprehend that those advantageous abundant to accept admiring and admiring families sometimes cannot brainstorm a bearings as acute as abundance was, and I don’t ambition to be brusque or abhorrent to them.
Saying that you do not apperceive your parents, Miss Manners fears, sets the eavesdropping — and maybe the accustomed — academician reeling, apprehensive how that is absolutely possible.
“I am abashed that I am not currently in blow with them, but acknowledge you for your concern” ability serve your purpose better. It additionally has the advantage of actuality added relatable, alike if others’ affairs are not about as acute as yours.
New Miss Manners columns are acquaint Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can accelerate questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com.
2019, by Judith Martin
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